What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
