is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize