I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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