just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I see more hoeing in ur future
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
