she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
is it fun? or sober?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
