You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
