I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
