just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
