I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
