my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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