We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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