if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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