Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
