Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
