I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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