walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
