im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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