We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I need to calm my uterus...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
