He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
