my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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