My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Randomize
