So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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