we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
