I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
