you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize