do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
