I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
ttyl tear gas
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
