is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
