I cannot find my penis.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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