does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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