tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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