As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
