hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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