so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
