i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
