it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
