just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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