"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
