Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
