I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
