When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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