omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
