is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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