OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
