So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize