worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
