His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
