Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
