yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize