just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
