Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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