It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
