I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
