im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
