So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
