If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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