where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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