What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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