Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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