Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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