The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
