So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You're like the curious george of whores
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
