She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
