Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
