Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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