Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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