I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
