Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize