i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
